My boy James.

Wow it has been a little while. I always have great intentions of writing regularly, but life always takes over. However, I am back and am ready to share a more serious note of some stuff that has been on my heart and something maybe some of you can relate to.

This summer my life changed in 4 weeks. I was a counselor to 11-12 year old girls in Branson,MO at K-Kountry, which is one of 6 Kanakuk Kamps. Y’all let me tell you, I had no idea what was in store for me. I attended these camps for 4 years when I was younger so I thought I had a pretty good idea of what I was getting myself into. Trust me when I say, it is 100000x better than you can even imagine. The people you meet, the kids you pour into, the mentors you have, and the unforgettable feeling of being surrounded by people who are running with you towards Jesus is indescribable. This place is Holy land and God does some incredible things, not only in the kids, but in me.

I learned so so so much about myself and life while I was there, but one thing I have seen come into play this, semester especially, is what we studied as a staff. All across the camps we studied to book of James. We had bible studies weekly with our mentors and would dive into the word and learn how to apply it to our lives. Now if you have read the book of James(and if you haven’t no sweat, I hadn’t before camp but I really recommend it) you know what I mean when I say it cuts you deep. James is a blunt, but he is real. He tells you how it is. He tells you that you are sinners and you are selfish and you are wrapped up in your own desires but he gives you a big ol’ gift after that. James 4:6 says, “But he gives greater grace.” Take a second and let that sink in. Do you know anyone else that can look at you, see every flaw you have, yet give you grace and love you anyway. That is pretty freaking cool.

Now you might be like me, especially this semester. It has been tough. It has been tough with friends, relationships, school, internal feelings, discipline, ect. I have had my days where I think, ” Really God? I can’t take much more” or “If you love me so much why are you doing this to me?” or “Why have you left me to suffer alone? I thought you were a loving father.” Yeah, not the greatest things to say to the guy that sacrificed his son to save me, but I am human and I am being honest. I left camp on such a Jesus high and was ready to conquer the world this year and let me tell you, that has not been the case. There has been a lot of tears, fights, low days, long nights, lonely times, and times where I doubt and I sit and I question, then God hits me right in the face.

I lead a group of my campers from the summer in a bible study every Sunday. The lessons have been planned for me, I just conduct them and chat with the girls about it. Last week was one of those times where I felt super alone and sad. I started my 30 min bible study and BAM, the lesson is about trusting that God will bring good things from your hard times. The next morning I woke up and did my devotional before my class and BAM, here comes my boy James coming back into my life. James 1:2 “Consider it nothing but joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you fall into various trials.” James 1:4 “And let endurance have its perfect result and do thorough work, so that  you may be perfect and completely developed lacking nothing.” My entire lesson was about how God is making you tough and preparing us for anything. We just have to trust him. THEN, I was  talking to a friend about my feelings and struggles these past few months and without even knowing it they started speaking of the things my boy James says and even quotes that scripture. Every where I look God is showing me James.

I guess my point behind this post is to open up and show those of you who are struggling too that 1. you aren’t alone and 2. keep pushing and trust. By no means am I perfect or have I overcome this tough season I am in. It is still a day to day battle and there are the ups and downs. But, instead of punting your faith and running away, talk to him. Even though what I was saying was in anger, I was still talking to him. It is when you stop talking to him that things get real dark. Look at the reminder James gives us that there are joys in the toughs times and they are to come. Continue to trust and to push through remembering you are not alone. John 13:7 “What I am doing you do not understand now, but later you will understand.” Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

You can do it. I have to remind myself that a lot, but it is just a season and there are good things to come. Talk to him. In the end, what is happening now won’t matter later on. Let me know how I can pray for you if you reading this(if anyone reads this besides my mom). Find the things that make you happy and invest in yourself and your relationship with our good, good Father.

Thanks to those who took the time to read through this! Love you guys!!